Yes, you read that right. Gilberto has THE GOUT.
When the doctor diagnosed him last month, I thought she was joking and started laughing out loud. And then accidentally snorted, which caused me to laugh more. She shot me a Disapproving Doctor Look before stepping away to answer a page.
Me: I'm so sorry! I just seriously doubt you have GOUT. You're too young and healthy.
Gilberto: Why? What is it? You're freaking me out!
Me: Honey, gout is a disease from the RENAISSANCE. Old, lazy, rich people got it from eating too much meat, or overindulging in wine, or something. It's a totally outdated disease. Like scurvy! I think both even involve wooden legs, or at least amputation.
Gilberto: AMPUTATION?!
Me: Don't worry! Hon, you do NOT have gout. This doctor is crazy. You aren't going to end up with a fake leg. And even so, they're made out of metal now, not wood. I think you need to be more concerned about all the looks you're getting because you wore my mom's crocs, which are obviously for a woman and way too small for you.
It turns out Gilberto does indeed have The Gout, and I probably set ourselves up nicely for fate to give him The Scurvy as well, with my big fat arrogant mouth.
You better believe I headed straight for my trusty friend Google as soon as we got home, and was shocked to find out how many people in the 21st century have The Gout! Some sort of uric acid build up in the toe joints, and not necessarily a result of a bad diet. Which was a relief, 'cause I was getting some serious attitude from Gilberto on the car ride home about my cooking.
One fabulous thing to come out of all of this is NO MORE SPINACH, which is high in uric acid. I'm so excited about that. I hate spinach, and now I don't have to feel guilty about not serving it.
Also? I don't feel so bad about having fibromyalgia now. He's kind of evened things out.