My Husband's Achiles Heal

Here's a funny little story from our weekend trip for



There's not much that a big Brazilian boy is afraid of. Gilberto has masses of muscle, has never backed down from a fight, and doesn't take danger too seriously (the stories he tells about what he and his brother did while growing up make the hair on the back of my neck stand straight on end). But on Saturday night I saw him cower in fear for the first time.

The Aunt that we stayed with ended up dog sitting her son's two pitbulls that night. They are VERY protective of the family, so she wanted us to to let her know right before we got back for the evening so she could corral the dogs and introduce us slowly.

I passed with flying colors, but as soon as the bigger dog saw Gilberto, he lunged, and emitted the most terrifying growl I have ever heard. I tell you, I would NOT want to be a burglar in that house. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Gilberto snap his legs together and hunch over, one leg slightly off the ground, toes pointing inward. An instinctual move to save the family jewels.

I teased Gilberto as my Uncle took the dogs into the living room, because we had been warned that the dogs have quite the bark, but not so much bite. I didn't realize how shaken up he was until we got into the bedroom, and I had to convince him to go out and watch TV since he wasn't ready to go to bed yet. I've never seen him so nervous!

A few minutes later he came running back into the room. The dogs wouldn't stop growling at him and he was scared to death.

Me: It's fine! They won't bite you.

Gilberto: It's not fine! They're trying to eat me! I'll just go to bed with you.

I couldn't talk him into going back out. Though at that point I was thinking that maybe him being in hiding wasn't such a bad idea.

In the middle of the night Gilberto woke me up.

Gilberto: Do you think it's okay to go to the bathroom? I've got to pee SO bad and I can't hold it anymore.

Me: Yes, it's safe. The dogs are locked in my Aunt's room.

Gilberto left, but two seconds later I look up to see him stumbling back into the room (it was pretty dark), followed by two barking dogs. He shut the door just as the big dog thumped against it.

Gilberto: They're trying to get me!

Me: What?

Gilberto: I went into the hallway and then saw these white teeth snarling at me from the end of the hall. Luckily I was close enough to the door that when they ran at me, I was able to escape! They're trying to get in through the door!

Me: Listen, that's my Uncle getting the dogs. Go ahead and go to the bathroom.

Gilberto: I don't have to go anymore. They scared the sensation right out of me.

In the morning I got up with Gabi and forgot to close the bedroom door. The dogs had gotten out, and the big one went straight into our bedroom and stood inside the door growling at Gilberto. When he came out to join me in the living room, he asked me why I'd left the door open.

Me: I thought the dogs were in my Aunt's bedroom. I'm so sorry!

Gilberto: Do you have any idea what it's like to wake up to the sound of a dog ready to kill you? I thought it was the end! Your Aunt got to him just as I thought I'd have to get up and fight.

Me: They're outside now. It's okay, hon, you can relax now.

The rest of the morning, the big dog stood at the sliding glass door staring in at Gilberto and growling at him. And my big, bad husband stayed as far away from that door as possible.

It's probably not such a great thing for my marriage that seeing my husband in such a vulnerable, frightened state made me laugh my arse off. Bless his heart. But in my defense, he was laughing with me. And we waited until we were safely in the car and away from danger.