There's been a lot of minivan talk in our house lately.
Now that my car is getting up there in years, and I just passed 100,00 miles, Gilberto keeps throwing minivans out there as a great next car option. He's been trying his darndest to convince me that I need one.
But I DO NOT want a minivan.
(Hold your horses, all of you minivan owners out there, and read a bit further down. You will be vindicated.)
Here are all of the boring reasons I've given him:
1) They look like loaves of bread
2) I just don't see myself as a minivan kind of mom
3) Gas mileage isn't that great, and
4) If we have to buy a new car, I'd rather spend the money on a hybrid
5) I don't need a bunch of fancy features that I don't know I should be missing
6) We don't really need all of that extra room
7) I'm driving my car until it dies because I LOVE not having a car payment
I think they're so boring, they go in one ear and out the other. Which is a big problem.
Because I would actually LOVE to have a minivan! I drool over pictures of floorboard storage and infinite leg room in magazines. I stare at them as they pass me on the freeway. I even price them and input the cost into our monthly budget, just to see where it would put us.
But there is no way I'm going to tell Gilberto this. I need him to think otherwise.
The truth is that I'm an excellent parallel parker. I'm so good I could win awards! And Gilberto is rather impressed with my parallel parking abilities.
Impressing Gilberto with anything car related is a HUGE deal. It totally makes my day when I finish parallel parking and he looks over at me with awe and pride. I get all warm and gooey inside.
I don't really have anything else to wow him with, so I really don't want to lose my title! There is NO way I'd be able to parallel park a minivan. I've driven a friend's, and I was barely able to park the thing head on. Plus, the pick-up-and-go on that thing was terrifying. All I had to do was tap the gas and it flew forward like a large, tan missile.
If we bought a minivan, there would be no more awe and pride. Not to mention the shame of admitting that my parallel parking abilities were limited to sedans.
As of last night, though, I think I don't have to worry about my secret being revealed anymore.
I finally got to the bottom of the whole minivan push. Gilberto's thinking is that if I get a new car, then HE can get a new car. An Audi to be exact. So he can cruise around town pretending he's The Transporter.
Are there ANY grown up men out there?
Basically, I can never get a minivan, even if I was willing to sacrifice my Best Parallel Parker Ever title (which I've actually been considering after all of the hot talk), because then Gilberto would think he could get a souped up 12-cylinder Audi A8.
And believe me, he would.
So the charade lives on, and I'll continue to soak up all the awe and pride.