Pages

Thursday, July 3, 2008

It Was Most Embarrassing

When American in Norway posted an embarrassing moment and then asked for ours in the comments, I had one ready to go.

It's just too good not to share. Because I can laugh about it now. I'm still humiliated, but I can laugh.

I had just given birth to Gabi and was being asked for pictures by the multitudes. Not one to disappoint, I created an online album with pictures that started with me checking into the hospital and ended with us all back at home. Right in the middle were pictures of labor and birth that I thought I'd carefully selected.

A few years later I was looking at the album and realized that there were SEVERAL pictures that should NOT have been in there.

Like all the pictures of me topless. I must've been hopped up on some serious hormones to have included those! It wouldn't have been so bad if Gabi had been latched and hiding part of my boob, but she wasn't. Her head was laying NEXT to my boob. Okay, so not the worst thing in the world. People have seen boobs with babies before.

But then there were the pictures of me in the hospital bed after we were transferred to our recovery room, that show my BACK FAT. I hadn't brought my own nightgown, so I just wore the hospital gown and kept it untied for easy breast access. So there I am, laying in bed (in an upright position), smiling up at the camera, totally unaware that my back fat would soon be sent to hundreds of people.

It wouldn't have been so bad, with just the boobs and the back fat. But there was one other picture that slipped in, the real doozy, that looks rather innocent until you see what's smack dab in the middle.

I thought it'd be fun to show everyone a picture of my big bare belly. What I didn't see at the time was that just below my belly, was my bush, peeking up over my legs. Yep, I'd sent family and friends pictures of my down there hair.

Why oh why hadn't I seen that before? Were my eyes blurry from no sleep? Was I not paying enough attention? Did I get distracted from a crying baby?

When I'd discovered what I'd done, a whole two years later, shame and embarrassment burned through me as I sat blinking at the computer screen in disbelief. And there wasn't a darn thing I could do about it.

Thankfully, no one had said one word to me. Including some very unfortunate co-workers, who were probably wondering why I felt so comfortable sharing such revealing pictures.

You know, there's another embarrassing moment that I repressed for a long time, and recently remembered. I need to own it so I can move on.

When Gabi was about a year old, I enrolled us in a Gymboree Play class that met every Saturday.

I had just started to get to know the other moms, and was at the point where I thought I might be able to hang out with a few outside of class. Which was a big deal at the time, since I was feeling pretty lonely as the only mom in my current group of friends.

These ladies and I were sitting criss cross apple sauce in a small circle while our kids played around us. Gabi threw a ball, and, still sitting in the criss cross apple sauce position, I leaned forward to grab it. As my bottom left the ground, a terrible terrible thing happened. I farted.

And it wasn't just a tiny little fart that I could cover up. It was a very loud and powerful fart that hit the mat I was sitting on and then ricocheted off. Though, thankfully, it was short.

I sat there in total shock for a second before deciding that the best course of action was to pretend that nothing had happened. I mean, the ladies had obviously heard it, but maybe I could pretend it was my shoe rubbing on the mat! Or maybe they would be kind and just pretend it didn't happen right along with me.

The other ladies were pretending all right, pretending to be suddenly occupied with something else so they wouldn't' have to look at me. I told myself to just hang in there, that something would break the ice and everything would go back to normal.

And it might have. But then the smell hit. Once I smelled it, I prayed my little heart out that it wouldn't travel, but within seconds the mom to my left excused herself to go play on the other side of the room. The other mom very quickly followed.

And I was left sitting there all by myself trying to pretend that nothing had just happened. That it was totally normal for all the moms in the near vicinity to jump up and run to the other side of the room.

At the end of the class, the moms wouldn't make eye contact with me. No one would. Had word spread? Or had the smell? I got Gabi's shoes on and rushed her to the car. No stopping to play at the fountain on that day!

And even though we had a good 7 classes left, I never went back.

24 comments:

  1. OMG... I has just taken me 5 min. to get through your post... I am laughing soo hard. I mean I have heard fart stories before but OMG.. seriously... I just pee'd my pants. I need to go change.

    ReplyDelete
  2. That is wild and super embarrassing! I was laughing the whole way through... Happy POW!

    ReplyDelete
  3. OH how funny! I just dribbled. lol.

    Tanya

    ReplyDelete
  4. I am laughing so hard I'm crying as I read to little sis your fart story. Believe me, I could share a few dandies with you as well. Funny stuff! Doesn't it feel good to finally "cut loose" these little stories that have been bottled up? Confession spells relief.

    ReplyDelete
  5. oh man! too funny :) I'm always worried about people seeing revealing pictures from my birthes.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I wish it was 'normal' for people to just say, 'sorry, I farted'. Geesh, gas happens.

    You made me laugh, love it, though I AM sorry for you. Thanks for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh my gosh. I was laughing pretty hard whilst reading your story, but then in the back of my mind, there was a little part of me that just felt your red hot embarassment over all of this...especially the pictures. I would have DIED a million times over. Boobs, I'm not so worried about (I think I even have NIP pics on my blog), and back fat, well I've got plenty to go around, but my nether regions, OMG I would have just crawled into a hole.

    Poor you...but brave you.

    You win for my favourite post of the day...heck, of the WEEK!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I laughed hysterically, even though I can only imagine how embarrassed you must have been. Thank you for telling that story, I don't know if I could be that brave.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Wow, this totally sounds like something I would do. Ok, and the other day I was talking to a girl through the window of a dutch door, you know where the top half opens and the bottom stays open, and I actually moved my foot and my shoe rubbed my other shoe and totally mad a fart sound. I felt like I should say something but I didn't, and I of course thought she thought I had farted, but I didn't.
    The worst thing is that the particular person I was talking to used to have really, really, bad gas problems.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hi, I found your blog on "Eric and Emily's Adventures" today and I got excited about you being an american married to a brazilian. I am a brazilian married to an american and I find it really interesting to see it the other way around. I read he is from Santos, it is the town right next to the town I am from, Guaruja, have you been there?
    Did u learn portuguese? how is it for your daughter to grow up learing 2 different languages. I worry about it, we don't have kids yet, but I really want to be able to teach our kids portuguese too, don't know how it's going to be, but hope I can do it.

    I will be coming back, I only had time to read a couple of posts and I just laughed really hard with this last one! I've done embarrassing things myself! hehe :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. OMG - that was awesome!!! You made me laugh, and my kids have been sick all week so that was something I needed!! What a great fart story - you rock!

    ReplyDelete
  12. I'm still laughing...that is so hilarious! I definitely would not have gone back either. hahaha!

    And I'm so sorry about the pictures...sleep deprivation definitely clouds our judgement!!! I'm sure everyone gave you the benefit of the doubt. :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Oh my goodness you just made me laugh so hard!! I needed that laugh so thank you!

    I love that you shared your emberassing moments on here. We all have them locked away in shame. If I sat next to you and you farted I would have laughed at/with you... in a very nice, non threatening way of course!! :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. P.S. Anyone who makes me laugh like that is getting linked to my blog! And you even have a new button! So cool!

    ReplyDelete
  15. OMG - this is absolutely HILARIOUS! The bush photos cracked me up... but the farting? I'm only laughing because that's happened to me before... I love that you wrote about it!

    BTW - Really enjoy your blog!

    ReplyDelete
  16. oh my goodness those are both sooo embarrassing! The pictures...you must have still been a little drugged up..or sleepless..something. Two years later. I totally know that feeling you explained about starring at the computer and REALIZING what you had done. AWFUL FEELING!!

    Oh the FART! That's hilarious if you ask me...hey...we all FART!

    thanks for stopping by my blog. Yes, costco cake is good...but I LOVE my yummy homemade cakes!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Oh girl, you are just too too funny. Thanks for making me smile:)

    ReplyDelete
  18. HAHAHA! Just a little fart - Never hurt anyone :) Super cute post!

    ReplyDelete
  19. You poor thing. At least, now, you can laugh about it. Funny post!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Wow. You've put it all out there now! Kudos to you to "owning" these experiences and to making us all laugh so hard today. Oh my. Dont'cha just love how drugs/hormones affect us? Wow. Again.

    ReplyDelete
  21. You have me laughing so hard, I woke McDaddy up who is sleeping next to me!!

    ReplyDelete
  22. I love that the back fat photos were MORE embarrassing than the boob photos.

    I think your priorities are all in line!

    Great, great post.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I am seriously laughing out loud so hard right now that my DH who is next to me thinks there is something wrong with me. And I am laughing with you - and your ability to take two very embarrassing moments and turn them into humor, and be brave enough to share with all of us! As a former Gymboree Play teacher, I'm sad that your experience led you to miss 7 weeks of classes!!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Trying to snatch the link to this post...

    ReplyDelete

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.