I just dropped my wallet into a toilet full of pee.
And of course it had to happen when the bathroom was full, all stalls occupied with a line of women waiting. A whole room full of young, hip women to snicker at me. Because young, hip women never loose their wallets to a toilet bowl.
I still can't believe it happened. I simply reached back to flush the toilet, and KERPLUNK. My wallet flew out of my other hand and landed squarely in the bowl.
To top it off, I got splashed. EWWWW.
And then I yelled, "OH CRAP!" really really loudly as I tried to grab my swirling wallet. So loudly that people outside of the bathroom heard me (which I found out when I exited and someone asked if everything was all right in there).
The funny thing is that while I stood over the toilet holding my wet wallet, I was more worried about people thinking I was taking another pee, since my wallet had instantly absorbed half of the toilet bowl and was slowly pouring back out, making pee like sounds, than in the fact that my wallet was essentially FULL OF PEE. Because heaven forbid one of those ladies might think I yelled OH CRAP because my bladder wasn't quite emptied out yet. You know, like I had an incontinence problem, or something. Sometimes my mind goes weird places.
Once the wallet was done dripping, I grabbed some toilet paper and headed to the sink. Where I resubmerged my wallet, tried to replace the pee water with regular water, and firmly wrapped it in a roll of paper towels. Then the scrubbing began. Hands, arms, neck, face, credit card (so I could get some lunch!).
As soon as I got back to my desk I immediately Twittered the awful truth (Yes, Leslie, at least it was MY pee!). I don't know why, but whenever anything embarrassing happens, there's this compulsion to confess on Twitter.
I'm so disgusted, but I really can't stop laughing. Especially since I have to go pick a friend up at the airport right after work. I'm going to give her a big hug then say, "Guess what?! I dropped my wallet in a toilet full of pee and the pee water splashed onto my shirt and now I have pee flecks dried all over my shirt! But don't worry, dried pee is sanitary, so our hug was totally cool." Just to freak her out.