Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Caught In The Act

Gilberto has been using my toothbrush!

I'm more disgusted by this discovery than anything else I've ever been disgusted by in my entire life.

I caught him this morning when he thought I was downstairs. I was, but I came back up for my moisturizer. Thank God!

His first line of defense was that we kiss, so it's the same. My reply was that I DON'T PRY FOOD AND PLAQUE FROM HIS TEETH WITH MY TONGUE, so it's NOT the same.

His second line of defense was that I hadn't unpacked his suitcase yet, so he didn't have his own toothbrush to use. My reply was that I'M NOT HIS FRICKIN MAID OR MOTHER AND HE CAN WALK HIS LAZY ASS TWO FEET INTO THE BEDROOM AND UNPACK HIS OWN DAMNED TOOTHBRUSH.

Apparently he's been drying it on a towel so that I wouldn't know. The bastard thought I would laugh when he told me that. What world is he living in that he'd think I'd laugh? I did NOT laugh. Instead I told him I wished I could puke on him so he could feel as gross as I did.

I'm pretty sure I didn't get through to him, because he was all cheery as he left for work. Damn cheery man.

I have an electric toothbrush that I really really like, so the head is on the kitchen counter waiting to be boiled. For the time being, I'm using the toothbrush I bought for the plane.

As for the suitcase, it's been sitting in our bedroom for a week and half because I refuse to unpack it. Just because Gilberto works hard all day doesn't mean he doesn't have to lift a finger when he gets home. I may be a SAHM now, but I am not his valet.

As long as this suitcase standoff continues, I guess I'll have to resort to hiding my toothbrush.


  1. Mr. Newlywed also thinks he should be able to use my toothbrush.

    I have taken to hiding it. I am not kidding.

  2. Ummm, yeah, that's really gross! Ella loves to get into our toothbrush drawerr. I will find her in our bathroom with either my toothbrush or the toothpaste in her mouth. Totally grosses me out! And that's my baby!

  3. Ewww ewwwww ewwwwwww!

    The suitcase thing is like an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. Loved that one! Stick to your guns - he's a big boy. I wouldn't do it for my husband either.

  4. Oh L -

    That made me laugh this morning . . . really really hard continuous giggles for a couple of minutes.



  5. the suitcase reminds me of that episode of everybody loves raymond...sooo funny!

    sorry bout the toothbrush - totally get it.

  6. You are so in the right -- that is totally unhygienic.

    I don't unpack my suitcase for (sometimes) months after a trip -- I hate doing it! But the toiletries bag always comes out first thing.

    You know what, though -- I always keep a stash of new toothbrushes around. That's what you need -- a toothbrush grab box! LOL

  7. HILARIOUS! :)

    David also reasons that he should be able to use my toothbrush, but it grosses me out, too.

    And yeah, why can't they unpack a suitcase?

  8. Ew pretty sure this would gross me out, too! Not pleasant!

  9. Yeah, that is pretty gross. I actually get grossed out when my son tries to use my toothbrush and he only has a three year old mouth and usually sweet breath.
    Hold your ground on that suitcase. It only gets worse from there. My husband and I have had a few serious conversations about the fact that being a SAHM does not mean you do it ALL.

  10. Awww Laural!! It's just a toothbrush! ahahahahahah!!!!

  11. Uh yeah... that is one thing that I refuse to share with my husband or my kids...

    Oddly enough, I won't even share my towel. Grosses me out!

  12. The toothbrush thing doesn't really bother me so much, but the suitcase thing would DRIVE me over the edge. No kidding. haha

  13. Hmm, I have a very non PG comment but I'll just say the toothbrush thing isn't that bad. The suitcase is another story.

  14. yeah.... ewww is right. And I agree with the others, don't you unpack that suitcase. He's a big boy.

  15. Oh!!1 yuck yuck yuck!!!! On purpose??! That's just nasty.

    Don't unpack his bags...and go shave your legs with his razor!!!!!!

  16. Um....GAG! Seriously? THAT is disgusting! Just reading your post made me cringe.

    Sheesh, tell him to be a grown up and empty his own stinking suitcase!

  17. I've caught my husband doing the very same thnig when the battery on his needs recharging.

    It's not very nice behaviour.

  18. This is funny. I can't even imagine what I would do if my husband did that! BUT, your husbands name is Gilberto the Brazilian, his cheer and waiting-for-you-to-unpack-his-suitcase probably come from that. I am dying to know how long it will take him to unpack!

  19. The suitcase thing? I would let it sit there until he runs out of clothes. LOL.

    Please do tell when he caves.

  20. Umm, yeah, I am totally grossed out. And this post is a great example of why I tagged you on my blog. Go check it out.

  21. It takes a lot for me to be grossed out, that does it though...


    And yes, say no to being a maid. It's his job, not yours.

  22. that sucks big fat ones.
    OMG how are you not in jail for killing him. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

  23. I am going to buy a new toothbrush in your honor...
    I got a note from a friend the other day that said her son was in the tub and said "mommy, I touched my tounge with your toothbrush" and she said, "did you touch anything else with my toothbrush" and he said "mu butt"
    Ya.. everyone's gettin new toothbrushes this week!!!

  24. totally understand the toothbrush thing. my hubby doesn't get it either. he also doesn't get that he is NOT allowed to use my deodorant. God gave him the ability to go to the store and buy himself some more of his OWN deodorant when he runs out!!!!!!

    I feel you pain immensely!!!

  25. ((blood curdling scream!!!))
    Not enough Purell in the world for this post. lol. OMG. Yuck!

    I thought when I caught my daughter using my deoderant it was horrible....but a toothbrush!??? No, no no no no.

  26. Both things would piss me off... And what about the brazilian men that are so "SLOW" to unpack their things when they get home... I think it must have bee something in the water ; )

    Have a safe trip down here. I will send you an e-mail with my phones!!


  27. Oh ack, no, no sharing of the toothbrush. I love my husband with all of my heart, but I can't allow him to use my fork, take a sip from my drink. EW!
    You know what is worse? Catching one of your cats rubbing their mouth on your toothbrush, because you KNOW that was not the first time they did it.
    Ame I. in West TN

  28. OMG! That is so wrong! Funny (because it wasn't ME) but wrong.

    He better do something extra special for you for Valentine's Day. ;-)

  29. Wow! He had the best excuses though! :-) I used to unpack my hubby's suitcase for him - I figured I was a SAHM and he flew all over the world for the USAF and that's the least I could do for him...until I realized that I had MY suitcase, my kiddo's suitcase, AND his...I am NOT his mommy and so I quit. Now I have to put up with his bag in the middle of the floor but no more, sister! Hang in there!


    Although I think it's funny- he went through the work of drying it OFF every day but couldn't take two seconds just to grab his own.. men!

  31. I am completely laughing at both of you haha. Did you ever see that episode of Everybody loves Raymond where they both leave the suitcase at the bottom of the stairs? Hide that toothbrush girl.


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