Thursday, April 14, 2011

My Refuge

Some people have church.  Some people have the corner bar.  Some people have a full time nanny.   

But what does this mom do when she craves some serenity?  I hide in the bathroom with the lights off. 

It's the perfect place for some solitude, and the total darkness helps me block out the screeching coming from the other side of the door.  Sometimes, sometimes, I can even ignore the banging on the door once the wee ones realize where I am.

Gabi: Mom? MOM!  I know you're in there!  Are you going potty?  Because I have to pee and I'm too scared to go to the other bathroom and Mason is eating food off the floor and I can't get the TV to turn to the cartoon channel and ARE YOU POOPING?  Because I don't care if you are, just open the door!  MOM!

All good things must come to an end, so at this point I usually open the door and hope I have decompressed enough to be able to genuinely smile my way through the rest of the day.

I have discovered some other ways to get some quiet, if not alone, time.  I can read half a magazine and catch up on what Charlie Sheen said on his latest tour stop if I do one or more of the following: 

  • Bust out the new Playdoh, don't say a word when kids move Playdoh to carpet
  • Let kids empty kitchen cabinets
  • Let kids play with kitchen stuff PLUS water
  • Hand over purse for inspection
  • Let kids paint clown faces with makeup found in purse
  • Open up the back of the pick-up truck and throw up a few lawn chairs (bonus if you give the kids some yarn to wind through the hook holes)
  • Dump out all bins of stuffed animals and dolls and then pay the kids to put them back
  • Send naked kids outside to make mud pies using a hose and a sacrificial flower pot
  • Give kids a book that's too damaged for repair, a Sharpie and a pair of scissors.  Do NOT tell them they are allowed to write or cut up the book, as this ensures they will sit and do just that.
  • Longer time outs (much much much longer time outs)

There's not much I haven't let the kids get away with in moments of desperation.  The key is that they never know it was desperation that made me buckle.  This way I'm The Cool Mom instead of The Pushover Mom.

And for those times when I'm not able to make it to the bathroom or handle massive destruction, there's nothing like an appletini cleverly disguised in a Sea World mug.


  1. Sometimes we all just need a place for quiet

  2. Heh. At least you're still disguising it. I just grab a beer out of the fridge.

  3. A moms gotta do what a moms gotta do!

  4. *snort* I love some of those. Is it wrong that some of my silence come with baking? You have to do X pages of your workbook/clean/whatever quietly while Mommy works on this, then ... you can LICK OUT THE BOWL. But I think you've got something there with your suggestions ;)

  5. OMG, this so reminds me of when I was an Au Pair! But I had an advantage, I only had the kids for 10 hours a day as opposed to being a mom when you have them 24 hours! It's hard, I know. But you are doing just fine. My husbands grandmother told me once that she used to go to the bathroom as well to vent, but she would read magazines!!!

  6. Oh, you are my kind of mom. My kid was up for the umpteenth time at 4 this morning. I finally just gave up pretending to be responsible and gave him a spoonful of gravol. I'll beat myself up after 3 cups of coffee. But right now I'm feeling pretty good about it.

  7. So damn funny! I love your list. Will copy and paste into my journal of recommended coping mechanisms. :)

  8. Brilliant.

    I let the girl paint the garage with mud. And draw all over the deck and back of the house with chalk. That bought a few minutes of peace.

  9. Appletini in a "mommy sippy cup" or double walled tumbler. Looks like crystal light... The straw is just an added bonus!

  10. Gotta try that appletini trick. ;) I do love how they are much more rapt in any activity that involves some kind of destruction. Yesterday it was drowning three naked Barbies in a mixing bowl full of water and wadded-up toilet paper (?) while I was making dinner. ;)


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