I just dropped my wallet into a toilet full of pee.
And of course it had to happen when the bathroom was full, all stalls occupied with a line of women waiting. A whole room full of young, hip women to snicker at me. Because young, hip women never loose their wallets to a toilet bowl.
I still can't believe it happened. I simply reached back to flush the toilet, and KERPLUNK. My wallet flew out of my other hand and landed squarely in the bowl.
To top it off, I got splashed. EWWWW.
And then I yelled, "OH CRAP!" really really loudly as I tried to grab my swirling wallet. So loudly that people outside of the bathroom heard me (which I found out when I exited and someone asked if everything was all right in there).
The funny thing is that while I stood over the toilet holding my wet wallet, I was more worried about people thinking I was taking another pee, since my wallet had instantly absorbed half of the toilet bowl and was slowly pouring back out, making pee like sounds, than in the fact that my wallet was essentially FULL OF PEE. Because heaven forbid one of those ladies might think I yelled OH CRAP because my bladder wasn't quite emptied out yet. You know, like I had an incontinence problem, or something. Sometimes my mind goes weird places.
Once the wallet was done dripping, I grabbed some toilet paper and headed to the sink. Where I resubmerged my wallet, tried to replace the pee water with regular water, and firmly wrapped it in a roll of paper towels. Then the scrubbing began. Hands, arms, neck, face, credit card (so I could get some lunch!).
As soon as I got back to my desk I immediately Twittered the awful truth (Yes, Leslie, at least it was MY pee!). I don't know why, but whenever anything embarrassing happens, there's this compulsion to confess on Twitter.
I'm so disgusted, but I really can't stop laughing. Especially since I have to go pick a friend up at the airport right after work. I'm going to give her a big hug then say, "Guess what?! I dropped my wallet in a toilet full of pee and the pee water splashed onto my shirt and now I have pee flecks dried all over my shirt! But don't worry, dried pee is sanitary, so our hug was totally cool." Just to freak her out.
I tweeted when my hubby called me to tell me that he dropped his cell phone in the toilet, and it wasn't just pee in there. I thought it was hilarious! But he wasn't too happy with me sharing that incident with the world. Needless to say, he now has a new phone!
ReplyDeleteGreat story!
You poor thing! Are the money and your credit card ok? It could have been worse, there could have been more than just that in the toilet. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteWhen I saw your twitter I about peed myself. So funny girl. At least its your own pee though. Not SOO bad.
ReplyDeleteSounds like something I'd do;)
ReplyDeleteeww!
Oh My GAWWWD! I laughed so hard at you! Sorry...but this was flippin' funny! If it makes you feel any better, just remember KARMA. I'm sure I'll get mine now! LOL
ReplyDeleteOh, Laural, how do these things always happen to you? Hmmmm...maybe they happen to everybody and you're the only person who tells other people.
ReplyDeleteLOL eww...but seriously this stuff happens to you a lot! Maybe it's the universes way of keeping your sense of humor on the surface! ;) That's the optimistic way of looking at it, right?!
ReplyDeleteI'd acuse you of making all these crazy stories up, but I don't think there is anyone that creative.
ReplyDeleteMake sure you eat lots of black-eyed peas on new years and perhaps your luck will change. Wait, don't do that, who will make me laugh?!
LOL! Too funny, but so sad at the same time! I hope your wallet is okay... it might be time for a new one! I would think it might be hard to get that pee smell out! eww!
ReplyDeleteI laughed out loud the first time I saw it, and re-reading it just made me laugh once again. You are the funniest person.I mean, and what you have to tell your friend, perfect! I would so do the very same thing. Good one! On a side note, Eddie dropped a toy in his poo water, and it dropped in and splashed me in the face. Not good. But hey, I feel ya. Did you have a lot of cash in there? I'd be passing some bills pretty soon, if you catch my meaning. lol~
ReplyDeletehahahahahahaahahaha, that was awesome, I mean, I am sorry that happened to you, but while I was reading your story I remembered a couple of droping objects in the toillet... I've done it twice!!!
ReplyDeleteOnce, a couple of year ago, I had my tiny cell phone in my back pocket, when I was sitting down it sliped right out of it, and fell in the toilet!! I was lucky that it was at a very clean friends house, and I hadn't peed yet!!!!
So I put a plastic bag around my hand to get it... Lost the phone and all the contacts in it.
The second time was my tooth brush ... in my house... I had to use the plastic bag again, and of course threw the tooth brush in the trash...
But in none of the cases I had people around me... hahah. I am sorry!
hahaha, Thanks Laural, but now you should go! Because, since we have to go to work we might as well make some money right? So, go ahead and don't feel bad to go to IHOP... it sucks we have to work on the Holidays, but once we are there, (besides the usual stress of being a server) we have a lot of fun together. Since everybody has to work that day, we have a lot of servers... so we kind of make it worth it.
ReplyDeletehehe :)
that's horrible!!! I should have sent you hand sanitizer.. ewwwwww
ReplyDeleteglad it was just pee..
I will from now on refer to you as Laural the Pee wallet Girl. Just so you know.
ReplyDeleteOh....eww!! I've been waiting all afternoon for this post to show. I saw your Twitter about it, but it wasn't in my reader yet.
ReplyDeleteUmm...well, cash is COMPLETELY laundry-safe, and your credit cards can be soaked, as can all the moneys. Any coupons are probably toast, as are the receipts. The wallet...yeah. You might want to think about getting a new one!
No!!! That is totally yucky! You poor thing - time to head out and buy a new wallet, lol :-)
ReplyDeleteThis is why people say money is so filthy! ;-)
ReplyDeleteYou have an awesome sense of humor Laural. Love it!
Oh my goodness, I almost just shot hot chocolate out my nose laughing at your story!!
ReplyDeleteAre you ok? Seriously friend, I am so sorry that this happened to you! But what a great story teller you are! :)
Hoping you have much less eventful bathroom trips here in your near future! :)
That's pretty gross! Hope your friend didn't mind the pee splattered hug.
ReplyDeleteThe strangest things happen to you:-) Hee, hee, hee.
ReplyDeleteOh no! I thought unfortunate stuff like that only happened to me.
ReplyDeleteGood to know it doesn't.
yuck, yuck, yuck! Its usually my keys that fall in :(
ReplyDeleteFilthy lucre has a new meaning now!
ReplyDeleteROFLMAO that the ladies OUTSIDE the bathroom heard you yelling "oh crap!"
This is totally something I'd do. Then I'd totally write about it, too. And then--this is where we seem uncannily similar--I'd also rationalize that "pee is sanitary." After all, it's what my mother has been saying since I was little. Maybe because she had four kids and otherwise would lose her mind? :)
ReplyDeleteLaughing, but not at you...with you! ;) I ALMOST did the same thing with my cell phone, but it hit the seat then the floor. From then on, I worried everytime I went out with my phone in my back pocket.
ReplyDeleteI'm SORRY!!! I'm not going to laugh because if I DO laugh then I'm sure the same thing will happen to me and I DO NOT want that to happen to me!
ReplyDeletehahahaha!! I'm sorry Laural, but think positive... at least it was your own pee (I hope!)! hahahaha!!
ReplyDeletehugs!
At least a higher up mucky muck didn't stop by and ask you to look up stuff this time ;)
ReplyDeleteHave I ever mentioned how much you crack me up? Cuz, ya do.
ReplyDeleteLaural...This is funny, but I can only imagine how embarassed you were.
ReplyDeleteFabiola
You have an award over at my site - and I think it's one of the only ones you haven't already received! :)
ReplyDeleteMy daughter once did the same thing with her cellphone. And the funny thing is that it still worked! I'm still a little leary of borrowing it, though. You know, the whole holding it up to my face and everything?
ReplyDeleteYeah atleast it was your pee. lol How funny! Hey, shit happens, be thankful it didn't that day! lol
ReplyDeleteOh my. This is the first time I have read your blog and that is just freakin hilarious! So funny. I will absolutely be back.
ReplyDeleteYou. crack. me. up.
ReplyDeleteLaughing.
Spewing.
My belly aches.
I guess a new wallet is on your Christmas list?
One without dried pee?
hahaha! I swear, Laural, the craziest things happen to you...and I appreciate you posting them for our reading enjoyment.
ReplyDeleteLove the new look by the way!!! Very cool. :) I need to update this on my blogroll. And I noticed you are reading "P.S. I Love You." Whaddya think so far? Did you watch the movie first or are you reading the book first?
Oh my gosh! I am laughing so hard right now. Not at you, of course. Only with you. Unless you're not laughing anymore. In which case, I'm laughing at you.
ReplyDeleteI have a wallet in the potty story too. Only it involves my 2-year old and someone else's pee! GROSS!!!!!! I just realized that I still have that wallet. EEEEEWWWWWW!!!
Remember last Monday? In Rancho Bernardo?
ReplyDeleteWell I had pee flecks on my shirt that day, too when we hugged.
I thought it best to tell you a week later.
:)
you totally crack me up laural!!! i would love to have been in line behind you:)
ReplyDeleteTotally made me laugh out loud! I once dropped a hat in the toilet at camp. They made you tuck the bill in the back of your pants when inside, and I forgot it was there until "plop". I remember being so embarrassed (luckily the bathroom was empty) that I cleaned it the best I could and didn't tell anyone. Oh the memories! At least you know you are not alone!
ReplyDeleteYou seriously CRACK. ME. UP. Seriously. I'm laughing so hard John keeps looking over at me funny.
ReplyDeleteWe so, SO need a face to face again. I need some more of that funny. ;)
Oh my! I almost did that the other day at Target, but with my cell phone. I remember thinking to myself, ewww, how awful that would have been! Sorry!
ReplyDeleteOMGosh, I about died laughing!! I have this fear that I will drop something in the toilet all the time. :) I am sorry that it DID happen to you.
ReplyDeleteomg that's awful! but seriously, it made a great story LOL
ReplyDelete