It's 3:20 a.m.
Gilberto has started to snore. It's his choking snore. I can handle his regular snore, but the choking one I CAN NOT. It stops if he rolls off his back onto his side.
Me: Gilberto, roll over.
Gilberto doesn't move.
Me: GILBERTO. Roll over, hon.
Gilberto: Wha?
Me: You're snoring. You need to roll over.
Gilberto shuffles his body a little and then turns his head away from me.
Me: No, honey. Your whole body. Roll over and take your body with you.
Gilberto: Wha?
Me: ROLL OVER, honey. Your WHOLE BODY.
Gilberto shuffles his body again, then turns his head back towards me.
Me: NO, HONEY! You have to roll your WHOLE BODY!
Gilberto: Wha?
Me: Oh my gosh, Gilberto. ROLL YOUR WHOLE BODY OVER! YOUR WHOLE BODY!
Gilberto: What's going on?
Me: You are SNORING. And you're starting to roll over and then just rolling your HEAD. YOU NEED TO ROLL YOUR WHOLE BODY! JUST DO IT! JUST ROLL OVER!
Gilberto: Whoa, no problem. No need to yell. Hmphh.
He rolls over onto his side and the snoring stops. Blessed silence!
It's 5:15 a.m. Gilberto has rolled back over onto his back and is CHOKE SNORING.
OH MY GOOD HEAVENS.
You need to get him one of those baby sleep positioners, except man sized. or, in my house, cold feet to the back usually does it.
ReplyDeleteThis is a senario that could take place in our house, any night of the week.
ReplyDeleteJust replace Gilberto for Andrew.
Oh, I know that one well! It happens a lot less since Ken has dropped so much weight, but some nights I still wish I could roll him out of bed, onto the floor, out the door, and down the stairs!
ReplyDeleteBeen there. I find a one finger poke somewhere around the bottom of the rib cage on the side of the body does the trick. Requires no speaking.
ReplyDelete:)
LOL. This same show plays almost nightly at our house. I love how he's always baffled in the extreme why I am talking to him. You'd think after 13 years it wouldn't be such a mystery. :)
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain. This is why I have to go to bed before my husband for the most part ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm not so nice as to ask him to roll over anymore. I poke him. Hard. And I'm debating him wear a tennis ball taped to the back of a t-shirt to keep him from laying on his back.... Just a though!
I SO know this feeling. My husband likes to cuddle which means he's doing an annoying snore-y thing RIGHT IN MY EAR.
ReplyDeleteEarplugs saved my marriage. But you have a small child, so that might not work for you.
ReplyDeleteChoke snoring is not good if it's a regular thing. Could be sleep apnea.
If he doesn't believe he snores, get a tape recorder and tape him!
This is me and my husband too.
ReplyDeleteTwo words - Ear Plugs. Or is that one word? haha :)
ReplyDeleteI was in hysterics reading this! You're nicer than me though. I just give my husband a good shove until he rolls over to escape my abuse!
ReplyDeleteOh. Preaching to the choir sister. My husband gets all pissy when I 'wake him up' to get him to stop snoring. Yes. I should just lie awake all night enjoying the beautiful nasal tunes.
ReplyDelete