Gilberto's gout is acting up again. Yes, you read that right. Gilberto has THE GOUT.
When the doctor diagnosed him last month, I thought she was joking and started laughing out loud. And then accidentally snorted, which caused me to laugh more. She shot me a Disapproving Doctor Look before stepping away to answer a page.
Me: I'm so sorry! I just seriously doubt you have GOUT. You're too young and healthy.
Gilberto: Why? What is it? You're freaking me out!
Me: Honey, gout is a disease from the RENAISSANCE. Old, lazy, rich people got it from eating too much meat, or overindulging in wine, or something. It's a totally outdated disease. Like scurvy! I think both even involve wooden legs, or at least amputation.
Gilberto: AMPUTATION?!
Me: Don't worry! Hon, you do NOT have gout. This doctor is crazy. You aren't going to end up with a fake leg. And even so, they're made out of metal now, not wood. I think you need to be more concerned about all the looks you're getting because you wore my mom's crocs, which are obviously for a woman and way too small for you.
It turns out Gilberto does indeed have The Gout, and I probably set ourselves up nicely for fate to give him The Scurvy as well, with my big fat arrogant mouth.
You better believe I headed straight for my trusty friend Google as soon as we got home, and was shocked to find out how many people in the 21st century have The Gout! Some sort of uric acid build up in the toe joints, and not necessarily a result of a bad diet. Which was a relief, 'cause I was getting some serious attitude from Gilberto on the car ride home about my cooking.
One fabulous thing to come out of all of this is NO MORE SPINACH, which is high in uric acid. I'm so excited about that. I hate spinach, and now I don't have to feel guilty about not serving it.
Also? I don't feel so bad about having fibromyalgia now. He's kind of evened things out.
I freaking love you guys! you guys seriously crack me up! I miss you cousin!
ReplyDeletethat was from Ashley btw...I don't know how you do this.
ReplyDeleteToo funny! My dad has gout too--and my reaction was the same as yours!
ReplyDeleteI did not know that people still got gout but I guess it is one way to stop eating spinach and be guilt free about it.
ReplyDelete;)
ReplyDeleteLove it.
So sorry he has gout.
ReplyDeleteThe story was quite funny though. You always crack me up.
And on a weirder side note, a friend of mine was diagnosed last week with the same exact thing. I too didn't know you could still get it, but apparently you can.
Oops. Nice job. But SO so funny. Poor guy. And make sure you give him lots of lemons and onions to keep that scurvy away, would ya? ;)
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness...you two just know how to party, don't you?! Ugh. Sorry!!
ReplyDeleteHave fun with your new SPINACH-LESS lifestyle. ;-)
I would have laughed too! I had no idea that was still around!!
ReplyDeleteOh wow, I had no idea about this disease!!! I hope there is a ways to prevent anything worse, like loosing a leg or something.
ReplyDeleteI would totally crack up if I was diagnosed with gout. Or someone I knew was diagnosed with gout.
ReplyDeleteOr scurvy.
[I like spinach. But I'd be o.k. with no fish. Because then I wouldn't worry about never wanting to eat it because it's disgusting and swims in its own feces.]
Poor Gilberto is not alone. My brother Ned has suffered with gout off and on for about ten years. It's nuts...he doesn't eat badly and not overweight.
ReplyDeleteSo glad you started following me on twitter which led me to your Blog.
ReplyDeleteFunny stuff feisty you.
That is hilarious. Sorry about the gout, but at least you can have a sense of humor about it. I don't know how parents survive without one.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the spinach! I wish I had a real excuse not to have to serve it in my house ...