Friday, October 19, 2007

Holiday Parties Past

I was just talking with a co-worker about the upcoming Holiday Parties at work, and it got us reminiscing about crazy Holiday parties of the past.

So here's mine.

Two years ago, my husband's company chartered a boat on the bay. Spending four hours trapped on a boat with people I didn't know wasn't my idea of a good time, especially since three of those hours were after my usual bedtime. But I sucked it up and thought, hey, I might actually meet some nice people and have a good time.

After casting off, we all sat down for dinner. There must have been some sort of setback in the kitchen, because it took over an hour for dinner to arrive, though the wine and beer were plentiful from the moment we stepped on board. Most people, by the time dinner was served, were already drunk enough to not be hungry, and instead of eating wandered from table to table making arses of themselves. How they were able to accomplish getting so drunk in an hour is beyond me. Oh, and the food? Not so good. So maybe they were the smart ones after all.

Just as we finished with our meal, Gilberto's boss came over and asked him to come outside and help resolve a situation. One of Gilberto's co-workers was drunk and threatening to jump of the boat and kill himself. If I remember correctly, he had also stripped down to his boxers. Gilberto was able to talk him down, and the captain docked the ship to put him off.

His wife stayed on board. She was so angry at him for ruining her good time that she decided to stay and party, at the encouragement of the other wives. As we pulled back into the bay, we could hear him swearing at her from the dock.

By this time the owner of the company was trying to cut people off at the bar, but they kept drinking from other people's glasses or getting people to get something for them from the bar. One woman swayed from table to table picking up random wine glasses and gulping them down. The owner stopped her at one point and she started yelling at him in slurred speech in front of everyone, "I fine. I FINE! I need one just more. You can't tell me not drink!" You get the idea.

All of a sudden music started blaring. I watched as conversations were dropped mid sentence and a flood of people from all over the boat started racing for the dance floor. I guess when you're drunk you just can't resist the lure of the beat.

And there was some CRAZY dancing. Over the next hour, several people ended up sprawled on the wet floor. One woman had such a tight skirt she couldn't get back up without the help of three guys. And grinding at an office party? Sure! If your drunk enough, grinding is appropriate anywhere! But I felt bad for the guy who didn't speak any English who tried to grind the owner's wife. She didn't seem to mind, but her husband wasn't a happy camper.

I was so tired, I just wanted to find a bench to sleep on until we docked, but Gilberto said he'd die of embarrassment if I did that. So I focused on keeping my eyes open by watching all the commotion unfold around me.

Once the boat started to dock, it seemed to take FOREVER for the walkway to be lowered. Finally we were free, and headed home. Awe, sanity.

The next Monday at work, Gilberto got the rest of the story. After we had docked, the wife of the guy who'd been kicked off the boat went to their car. Her husband was hiding behind it and jumped out and tried to choke her to death. It took several guys to pry him off. He came into work on Monday saying he didn't remember a thing, but was promptly fired anyway. They are now divorced.

I think Gilberto's company learned their lesson. Last year the Holiday Party was held at a restaurant during normal dining hours, and the company paid for only two drinks per person. It was much more peaceful, but a LOT less entertaining.

1 comment:

  1. This is quite possibly the most entertaining holiday party story I have ever heard! It beats Brian's work party at which one of the salesmen's wives sang "Jingle Bells" in front of everybody, but instead of saying the real words, she replaced every syllable with the word "butt." (Try it, it's fun!)


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