I Have To Wear A Dress

My mother-in-law called last week to tell my husband to make sure I bring a dress for the wedding. Ah, she knows me too well. I'm NOT a dress kind of girl.

We had a pretty colorful conversation in which I flat out told him NO, I would NOT be wearing a dress to his brother's wedding. I look horrible in dresses (I may have lost a bit of weight, but I still have a LONG way to go. Lumpy does not look good in dresses). I wanted to feel good, so I had a pair of slacks and a nice blouse all ready to go. And a pair of pretty kick-ass shoes to go with it, I might add.

And then on a sorrier note, I told him that the humidity in Brazil made my legs chafe when I wore skirts, so pants it was going to be. And there.

Well, my little temper tantrum was to no avail. His mother called again today and laid down the law. She said I HAD to wear a dress, no ifs, ands or buts about it. The invitation said so, everyone else would be in a dress, and besides, that's just the way it's DONE there. And to just wear a pair of spandex shorts underneath. Oh, and she wanted him to let me know that she already has my hair and nail appointment set.

Hair and nails? Oh, heavens. She's trying to pretty me up! She's never seen me in anything other than khakis and t-shirts with no make-up, since it's God awful hot down there, so I bet she thinks I'd wear something more appropriate for the beach if left to my own devices.

After Gilberto begged me to go along with the dress thing, I said I MIGHT be willing to wear a skirt and blouse (which are much more forgiving than a one-piece). But compromising on fashion to make your husband happy doesn't usually produce the most flattering results.

I really do not have the body for a dress. My options are pretty much limited to a mumu, like this:
















Or a kimono. This one seems nice!
















I love red, and it's loose and flowy. Perfect for a hot Brazilian day!

In all honesty, I don't want to be the only person in all of Brazil to ever wear pants at a wedding. And I'm not looking to bring shame on the family. So I called in the reinforcements and my mom will be heading out with me tonight to try on dresses.

I'm really hoping that I find something nice that I look good in, but the chances of that happening are at about 6%. Picking a mumu or kimono ups it to about 30%.

Once my mother-in-law sees me in my new dress, though, she might change her mind and decide pants do suit me better after all. So I'm still bringing my slacks, just in case.