Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Tanning Gone Awry

Well, just one week before we leave on our trip, and I seem to have turned my feet a very unnatural shade of orange.

Every year when we go to Brazil, I try to darken my lily white skin a shade or two so that I don't reflect the sun when I go out in public and cause accidents. I usually get a spray-on tan, but after last year's blotchy results that had me sitting on my bed with a lemon and loofah for several hours, I decided to go a more natural route this time. So I went and bought some lotion.

I haven't used a tanning lotion since I stained my fingers a brownish orange in highschool that took weeks to fade. But a friend's little sister had the most gorgeous glow last Thanksgiving, and after some prodding, because I knew she wasn't taking regular trips to the Caribbean, I found out about a very well kept secret. Jergens Natural Glow Daily Moisturizer!

Even though it was a good five months before our trip, I went out and bought it that very day. With my memory, that's how I have to roll. It had been sitting on my dresser ever since, waiting for just the right time to try it out. I'm thinking I should've tried it out several weeks sooner than I did. Because did I mention that my feet are orange?

I thought, since the bottle said to just use it as you would any other daily moisturizing lotion, that the color would slowly build up over a few weeks. All I had to do was rub it in and not worry about anything else? How cool! A non-maintenance fake tan!

The first night I put it on, I could barely sleep because of the smell. It was like being stuck in the spray-on tanning booth all night long. At least I couldn't feel a mist as I breathed all the chemicals into my lungs. And considering the lovely tan I would soon have, it was totally worth it.

The next morning I got up, not really expecting much of a difference. Maybe a slight hint of a glow? So to say I was a bit surprised when I finally looked in the mirror is an understatement. Oh my good Lord, I had some MAJOR streakage. Being me, I freaked out a bit. I looked like a tiger! And I didn't want to be identified as a fake tanner! Thankfully it all evened out in the shower, but my illusions of an easy tan went right out the door.

I've been much more careful about equal spreading of the lotion at night, and then buffing in the shower in the morning. It's a lot more work than I bargained for, but now, a week later, my arms and legs look fantastic!

I wanted to give my feet a nice lovely glow as well, so I slathered them up with the rest of me. But I guess my feet were a little, ahem, dry. They are a serious shade of orange. It's truly amazing I didn't notice it before now. And if I'm going to save them from their colorful fate, I'm going to have to do some major repair work in the next week.

Looks like I'll be on my bed with a lemon and loofah after all.


  1. Hey, if brown can be the new black, then maybe orange can be the new tan? Let's talk to the people who decide what is could save me the skin cancer and you the scrubbing!

  2. I'm not sure if you know this, but the Jergens lotion comes in three tanning shades: light, medium, and dark. I hope you used the light! (BTW, I couldn't stand the smell, either).


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