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Thursday, November 20, 2008

Chewy Chicken

Eating lunch at my desk is dangerous. The catastrophe possibilities are endless. Today was one of the worse I've had in a while.

I sat down, took one bite of chicken, and a Senior Vice President walked up to me and asked if I could find someone for her.

Since I was chewing a rather large bite, with chipmunked cheeks and all, I could only nod and point to my computer with my finger. Why oh why did she have to come RIGHT THEN?

As I looked up the person's calendar, I kept chewing. And chewing. And chewing some MORE. So to fill time I looked up at the Sr VP and said, with my hand in front of my mouth, "Ihhh hahh!" You know, it's hot.

She looked at me like I'd lost my mind. So I just turned back to my computer and kept chewing. Wondering, is she insulted that I talked with food in my mouth? Or annoyed that I was telling her about my chicken? Was I not supposed to talk to her at all?

Finally, the calendar opened up and I was able to tell her where the person was.

Then she asked me to please call him on his cell.

Okay, that's easy enough. For someone not already flustered and STILL CHEWING! I messed up three times before I was able to dial correctly, then handed her the phone. She took it with two fingers and dangled it to her ear.

I guess if you're chewing food, then everything you touch is somehow contaminated.

After she left, I looked down and saw that I had ranch dressing in my hair. It had also dripped down onto my shirt. I sure know how to present myself.

I need to start eating my lunch in the cafe with my hair tied back and a bib around my neck. But I know I won't. I like to eat alone while surfing the net. Nothing is better than reading Perez Hilton than reading Perez Hilton while eating an eggroll.

29 comments:

  1. Oh BLESS:.. but you ALWAYS make me laugh... & wow, what a face lift...

    Come over to the dark side... I mean my new blog...

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  2. Found you though SITS!
    What a cute post. Too Funny!
    I like how she held the phone like it was contaminated!
    Off to read more & sure I'll be back!

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  3. That sounds like something I would totally do! That was a hilarious story!

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  4. Oh, Laural! That's just...well, it's a crummy day, that's what it is. ;-)

    If we call it what it is, we can't be afraid of it! hahahahaha

    Sorry about that!

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  5. Oh dear... I've had some pretty bad lunch encounters (made worse by my general awkwardness), but I don't know that I've had any quite like that...
    But hey, at least it makes a really great blog-tale!

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  6. Laural, your lunch stories are always so funny!

    When I read how she held your phone I rolled my eyes...was she serious?!

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  7. Oh you poor thing!! I would have died!!!

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  8. Laural, NO! Her timing is awful! I can't believe she held your phone that way. Geesh. I was picturing you at a table hunched over a salad wearing that bib. rofl.... this post just made me giggle. ;)

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  9. OMG that was hilarious Laural!
    I can just picture her being all snobby like that with the phone.
    I am glad you are able to write about it with such great humor. :-)

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  10. hilarious laural, i love it!! you make me smile:)

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  11. Sounds like something one of my Doctors would totally do. "Hey, Can you call this patient even though I can CLEARLY SEE you are AT. LUNCH?

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  12. Oh my! You poor thing! Too funny! That so sounds like something that would happen to me!!

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  13. OK, your boss needs to make her own phone calls.
    And also? Respect your lunchtime.

    (But maybe i've been working for myself too long...)

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  14. That is a funny story--you have the funniest lunch stories :)

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  15. Okay, I'm lucky I wasn't drinking Dr. Pepper when I read that bit about the ranch dressing because LOL. :)

    And I love the contaminated by chewing--that is awesome. I would have been thinking the same thing! :)

    Why couldn't she leave you alone during your lunch? What's up with that?

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  16. LOL awww...that must have been some tasty chicken...and hey, at least your hair got a little extra conditioning from the oil in the ranch...right? :)
    Your lunch makes me hungry. And it's nearly 10 PM at night...

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  17. That's so funny. When I was still working, I had a friend named Laura who couldn't seem to keep her food off her clothes. It was so bad that if I ever dropped food on my clothes, "I pulled a Laura"

    For Christmas, I gave her a Tide To Go Pen...she loved it, but it ran out in less than a month. Hmmph.

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  18. That is too funny!!! I used to eat lunch at my desk all the time. I can't believe hthat the vp didn't even acknowledge that she was disturbing your lunch. That was just rude.

    (and if it makes you feel better i always wear at least half of every meal. LOL)

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  19. LOL! You poor girl!
    I answered the door once (a local politican), I came outside and spoke with him for about 5 minutes. When I came inside, my kids pointed out that I had chocolate cake mix VERY noticable, under my chin! (I was licking the bowl). Arghhhhhhhh

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  20. R-E-S-P-E-C-T Laurel's lunchtime!

    That VP's only excuse for making you dial with a mouthful of rubber chicken is that she has no fingers!

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  21. Lord woman you crack me up! I'm so glad that the only phone I get asked to dial when I have a mouth full of food, has Dora on it and only calls Boots!

    Can we safely say this VP has Napoleon issues? WHAT SHE COULDN'T DIAL A FREAKING PHONE??!!!! And then had to treat you like a diseased peasant.. "Oh I thought I said let them eat CAKE not chicken with ranch dressing!"

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  22. Lord woman you crack me up! I'm so glad that the only phone I get asked to dial when I have a mouth full of food, has Dora on it and only calls Boots!

    Can we safely say this VP has Napoleon issues? WHAT SHE COULDN'T DIAL A FREAKING PHONE??!!!! And then had to treat you like a diseased peasant.. "Oh I thought I said let them eat CAKE not chicken with ranch dressing!"

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  23. It sounds just something that could have happen to me ; )

    Fabiola

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  24. This is great! Perez Hilton is always better with an eggroll. Haha!

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  25. What a nightmare eh? I could read the embarrassment in every word.

    I am way behind in my blogging but I am loving your new site. Gorgeous!

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  26. I always manage to find myself in impossibly embarressing situations so I understand :)

    Your lunch hour is YOUR lunch hour, ya know! If you want to eat at your desk while surfing the net, why then go right ahead!

    -Andrea

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  27. I think it's totally fine to eat at your desk. I think it's weird that the VP would come over and ask you to do something like that while eating. If you were down in the cafeteria eating, she would've had to wait, no? So why couldn't she have waited until your lunch hour was over?

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  28. I spilled coffee (luckly lukewarm) on a consultant this morning. Luckly, we haven't contracted with them yet and they REALLY want us so she was very gracious about trying to help me catch the cup and "save" my coffee!

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  29. The ranch in the hair made me giggle.

    It also made me reach up to make sure there wasn't anything in MY hair.

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