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Tuesday, December 9, 2008

How To Cure The Male Crotch Grabbing Problem

Conversations with an overly observant 4 year old have gotten just fascinating lately.

Like last night, when Gilberto deposited Gabi on a dining room chair for dinner (our table and chairs are bar height), then walked off and, um, adjusted himself.

Gabi: Mommy, why is it that Daddy always touches his peanut?

Me: WHAT? What are you talking about?

Gabi: Why does Daddy always touch his peanut?

And then she demonstrated.

My first impulse was to laugh, but then I quickly realized that I was actually going to have to answer her. And how the hell do you explain a crotch grab to a 4 year old? Especially since I'm so awful at on the spot explanations.

Me: OH! Well, that's just a guy thing, honey. It's because his, um, peanut sticks out a bit. You know, because boys are different than girls. And sometimes it gets a little askew and he has to adjust it to make it comfortable again.

Ack! Worst answer EVER!

But after rolling it over in her mind for just a few seconds she seemed satisfied (phew!) and moved on to her next question.

Gabi: Well, why didn't he wash his hands? Every time he touches his peanut he has to wash his hands!

Me: Daddy only did it over his pants, honey. He doesn't need to wash his hands because he only touched his pants.

Gabi: YES HE DOES!

My goodness! Talk about hand washing passion! Not wanting to get into the whole skin contact vs. cloth contact aspect of crotch adjusting, I decided to just agree.

Me: Okay, then! Go tell your Daddy that every time he grabs his crotch he needs to wash his hands.

And she did.

And based on the shocked reaction from Gilberto, there will be no more crotch adjusting going on in our house unless it's done discreetly in private.

36 comments:

  1. Oh No. Way. This has to be the funniest conversation YET. LOL
    Pretty good for being put on the spot!

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  2. Wow, you are good. Poor Gilberto.

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  3. LMAO!

    Wait until you hear about the Vagina conversation that's been happening over at our place. I'm trying to get the nerve up to blog it. *lol*

    Your Gabi is every bit as precocious as ours it appears! Love it.

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  4. I can watch this whole conversation clearly in my head...the look of confusion and horror on your face, then the look of suprise on Gilberto's. I wish I had been there for that one. It must have made sense to Gabi because after all, her daddy is from the wild!!!

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  5. Oh my goodness. If that doesn't get him to stop, nothing will!

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  6. Hey...I have a 4-year-old. Maybe I can get the crotch-grabbing to stop here too:-)

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  7. Oh, trying to explain the way "life" works to the young and innocent...and observant, apparently!

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  8. Oh, Laural...even LoGung is laughing about this one! (I just HAD to share. ;-))

    Poor, poor Gilberto - it'll take him a while to ADJUST to the changes in the house a growing daughter demands! ;-)

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  9. Poor Gilberto! LOL hehehe That's awesome! :)

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  10. Could I love your daughter any more? She and my son would totally get along.

    Now that is a conversation I'd have to witness :)

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  11. Hysterical! OMG, that was hysterical! lol. A post worth waiting a week for! lol.

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  12. Would she like to come and have a play date with Laura? We could use her counsel around here.

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  13. Oh my goodness that is TOO much!!!

    Good for her being so passionate about hand washing. I'm thinking I could use her counsel in our house too! :)

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  14. She is too funny and too cute. p.s. My girl misses her too.

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  15. I was rolling on the floor at that conversation. I have had a couple of "what's that?" from Olivia when I am changing Will's diaper - which I froze when trying to think of an answer. They do catch you off guard!!

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  16. She can have the conversation with my husband for me. ;-)
    She is ADORABLE!

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  17. HAHAHA!!

    I've noticed that brazilians guys here make more ajustments than the guy over there! At least I never saw Kyle doing that, unless he didn't know I could see him! hahaha!! And I think it's also the different type of underwear has something to do it!

    Hugs!

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  18. Reminds me of the time my youngest, while watching America's Funniest Videos, saw a man get knocked in the groin, and she said...


    "Oh, he hurt his knuckles!"

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  19. hahahahaahahah, She cracks me up!

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  20. Oh. Too. Funny. I shriek laughed as I read this...even made the hubby come over for a gander. He giggled too. Thanks for a good laugh today.

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  21. That is FUNNY! You gave a better answer than I could have come up with...

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  22. Hilarious! Thanks for sharing... will have to enforce that at our house, too!

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  23. So funny! I can't wait to read the story where she sees someone in public do that and reminds that lucky man that he needs to wash his hands after touching his peanut!

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  24. Absolutely hilarious!!!!

    Ya just never know what's going on in the mind of a child.

    Great blog! :)

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  25. OK, so that might be the funniest thing I've read all day! Thanks for the laugh. You should have asked Gilberto to explain the crotch grab ... now that would have been really funny!!

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  26. Thanks for the laugh. I needed it so badly.

    Fabiola

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  27. Thank you! I needed a laugh very badly today! You definitely need a sense of humor with kids!

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  28. ugg, my keyboard is now covered in diet coke.. I can't wait till Miss T is older, I have no idea how you had a straight face!

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  29. I am just loving that she just walked up to him and told him that, and he had no idea about your conversation. FUNNY!

    I have two, going on three "peanut" adjusters around here... ; )

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  30. LOL! oh geez, that is too funny. and fyi, i remembered as i was reading this that when I was 4, I called it a peanut too haha!

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  31. Better watch out--next she'll be asking about adjusting wedgies and YOU'LL be the one washing your hands all the time too!

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  32. That was hilarious. My the little ones are getting more and more observant aren't they? You did very well with your on the spot explanation. ;)

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