Conversations with an overly observant 4 year old have gotten just fascinating lately.
Like last night, when Gilberto deposited Gabi on a dining room chair for dinner (our table and chairs are bar height), then walked off and, um, adjusted himself.
Gabi: Mommy, why is it that Daddy always touches his peanut?
Me: WHAT? What are you talking about?
Gabi: Why does Daddy always touch his peanut?
And then she demonstrated.
My first impulse was to laugh, but then I quickly realized that I was actually going to have to answer her. And how the hell do you explain a crotch grab to a 4 year old? Especially since I'm so awful at on the spot explanations.
Me: OH! Well, that's just a guy thing, honey. It's because his, um, peanut sticks out a bit. You know, because boys are different than girls. And sometimes it gets a little askew and he has to adjust it to make it comfortable again.
Ack! Worst answer EVER!
But after rolling it over in her mind for just a few seconds she seemed satisfied (phew!) and moved on to her next question.
Gabi: Well, why didn't he wash his hands? Every time he touches his peanut he has to wash his hands!
Me: Daddy only did it over his pants, honey. He doesn't need to wash his hands because he only touched his pants.
Gabi: YES HE DOES!
My goodness! Talk about hand washing passion! Not wanting to get into the whole skin contact vs. cloth contact aspect of crotch adjusting, I decided to just agree.
Me: Okay, then! Go tell your Daddy that every time he grabs his crotch he needs to wash his hands.
And she did.
And based on the shocked reaction from Gilberto, there will be no more crotch adjusting going on in our house unless it's done discreetly in private.