Pages

Friday, April 10, 2009

Not A Good Day For Shishkabobs

I don't think Jesus is going to strike me down for eating meat on Good Friday. But Gilberto's mom does.

Every year we forget that the Friday before Easter is Good Friday. It just doesn't cross our minds. So every year Gilberto will call me in a panic after receiving a call from him mom bright and early in the morning.

Gilberto: Laural! We can't eat meat today! DON'T EAT MEAT!

Me: Gilberto, that's silly. You know it doesn't matter if we eat meat today.

Gilberto: Just don't do it, okay? Better to be on the safe side, you know?

Me: Honey, nothing is going to happen!

Gilberto: OH MY GOD, JUST DON'T EAT THE F***ING MEAT TODAY!

Me: Okay, fine, whatever.

And I don't. 'Cause I'm a good wife like that.

This year his mom called while he was driving to work. The calls are actually quite funny. She says hi and wishes him a happy Good Friday, to which he expresses surprise, and she freaks out that he didn't know and could've eaten meat, and he gets upset that he almost damned his soul, and she spends the rest of the conversation making him promise over and over again that he'll stay true to his roots and not eat meat, and he spends the rest of the conversation promising. And then he immediately calls me.

I got my Good Friday wake-up call at 7:00 this morning.

Gilberto: I can't eat the lunch you packed for me, it has meat in it!

Me: What? Can't eat the lunch? Oh, is it Good Friday? Did your mom call?

Gilberto: YES, she called. Or I would've eaten it! It would've been awful! I could be in hell right now!

Me: It's not like I tried to poison you! I just forgot! My goodness.

Gilberto: Laural, just promise me that you won't eat meat. And that includes Gabi.

Me: Gabi?

Gilberto: DON'T YOU DARE FEED MEAT TO MY BABY TODAY!

Me: Okay! Chill out! I wasn't planning to!

Gilberto: You'll be sorry if you give her any meat. Just sayin'. Love you, bye.

The warning isn't without warrant, because the rebel in me is already wanting to do something sinful like roast a pig on a stick on the back patio, or eat a cheeseburger for lunch, just to prove him wrong. But I won't. Plus, Gabi's old enough to tell on me.

No meat today.

26 comments:

  1. OMG, that is soooo frickin hysterical! lol!!! I'd SO make a meat milkshake for dessert, just for fun.

    We're not Catholic, but my kids go to Catholic HS....and my son actually didn't want to pack lunchmeat sandwiches for lunch..so he 'didn't have to explain himself'. That's funny.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Growing up we could not eat meat on any Friday during Lent. Now that I'm an adult, I make it a point to eat meat on Fridays. It's the rebel in me. (;

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ahhh, Laural, you're hilarious! I grew up Catholic, but these last few years I keep forgetting not to eat meat on Good Friday. This morning I remembered... but Michael had cooked bacon. Argh! I caved.

    (Of course.)

    ReplyDelete
  4. AHAHAHAHAHA. The joys of being Mormon on a Catholic holiday..on the East Coast. (Costco was DESERTED tonight. And for some reason, they were COMPLETELY out of skim milk. What kind of a Costco runs OUT of milk?!)

    I used to do Lent with one of my Catholic friends. I gave up desserts. The second year I tried to do it, my mother FORBADE me from continuing my Dessert Fast - I started having dreams about huge HoHos that got up and chased me around. (Honestly, I can still remember the dream VIVIDLY - it was a birthday party for my little brother at Chuck E. Cheese and we had an ENORMOUS HoHo in lieu of a birthday cake. That was 12 years ago!!)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Um, this year we were bad Catholics....'nuff said...

    ReplyDelete
  6. My family is the same. Even though they are denominated "catholics" they don't go to church. But they do follow some of those religious rules... I never ate meet when I still lived in Brazil, my parents think like Gilberto "just to stay in the safe side" haha. But here I forget about it, and when just like today, I forget and end up eating meat. If I am going to hell because of this I so hope there is a lot more meat down there!

    ReplyDelete
  7. This is awesomely funny. :) And I relate, because it is Passover right now, and I'm convinced we'll all go to hell if we eat baked goods. So my parallel would be driving straight to Big City Bagels and slathering up an onion with cream cheese, like a big fat ol' sinner. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  8. My mom didn't want to eat meat today either. She doesn't go to church and hasn't in years but she will abide by this rule. Weird.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Well, I'm in trouble. We had Chinese food tonight - shrimp, pork, chicken, beef, even crab rangoon. Say a prayer for me. :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. I had extra pepperoni on my pizza tonight just for you!!!

    Goodness, I'm relieve that so far, I have not seen any superstitous behavior from Sidnei or his family...odd yes, but not superstitious...

    I had to laugh when you decided you just couldnt rebel because your daughter is a tattler! hahahaha

    And just as a side note...I am seeing that the MIL might not be such a problem...maybe more so the SIL...dun dun dun :) hehe

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hilarious. I did have a cheeseburger yesterday.

    If only your mother in law had called me.

    She could have saved me from hell.

    ReplyDelete
  12. "Gilberto: DON'T YOU DARE FEED MEAT TO MY BABY TODAY!"

    HI-larious!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Yes, Brazilians are strict about not eating meat on Good Friday - everyone (including us) was at the fish counter on Thursday buying Friday's meal. Funny though, since even practicing Catholics in Brazil don't think twice about eating meat on Fridays during Lent.

    ReplyDelete
  14. SO FUNNY!!!! I'm with you...I don't think I will be damned to hell for eating meat on Friday. But don't tell your mother-in-law I said that...I don't need any enemies in Brazil. :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. I'm totally cracking up over here! We get the same frantic calls from my mother in law on Ash Wednesday. I'll be honest and say that I follow the stupid no meat rule. I'm not even sure why I do it. It is just something I've done all my life during Lent so I figure why stop now.

    ReplyDelete
  16. She would tell on you even if you just was kiding and talked about meat. Then every year she would bring it up.
    Funny thing is I forgot too. The buffet on base has catfish friday so I was good plus I didn't eat dinner that night.

    ReplyDelete
  17. That's funny:)

    If you wouldn't mind just pulling out some books that you think I would like out of your stash that would be awesome. I like mystery, suspense, and girlie girl books.:)

    ReplyDelete
  18. My parents have this ame idea. I always forget too!
    I remember when I was little, and I all I cared about was the chocolate, I complained to my mom why we couldn't eat meat! It just didn't make any sense to me! :P

    Happy Easter!

    hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  19. I have never heard this...I was VERY sinful on Friday and had a hamburger for lunch and then steak for dinner....does that mean I am going to hell? My mom doesn't want to know that! :) Hope you are having a great Easter and eating meat today!

    ReplyDelete
  20. I wonder if I could get Gilberto's mother to call me every morning to keep me on my diet??

    ReplyDelete
  21. that is awesome :)

    but the best part is that gabi would tell on you!! love it!!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Well I guess I am going to hell. I had the most wonderful turkey burger on Friday and I enjoyed every single bite.

    I bet I get stuck next to a vegetarian in hell. That would just be my luck!

    ReplyDelete
  23. I so grew up eating freaking McDonald's fish sandwiches on Fridays and the whole guilt thing still plagues me when I roast pigs on the back patio on a Friday.

    ReplyDelete
  24. You so crack me up Laurel! OMG.
    My mind would be working like that too! Maybe just a bite???

    ReplyDelete
  25. You are sooo funny... I am pretty sure they have a spot for me already in hell. oops

    ReplyDelete
  26. i totally was wolfing down a burger when i realized it was good friday... and while i'm not catholic, i still respect lent and good friday as I really feel like it's a way to honor God and the days leading up to easter... so, i was with my boss when this happened, and she almost choked, as she is catholic and was all like omg i'm going to hell now LOL

    ReplyDelete

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.