You know what’s really embarrassing?
Going to get a pedicure and not remembering you haven’t shaved your legs until after you pull your jeans up to your knees and stick your feet in the spa tub. Because at that point there's no turning back.
Even worse? Looking down and seeing massive scratch marks covering every inch of your dry, hairy legs.
Even worse? The poor girl that’s been assigned to you may say it’s all okay, but you catch her making a disgusted face in the direction of her co-workers, who are all thanking God that THEY aren't the one sitting at your feet.
The untended leg hair has no other excuse than that I’ve been lazy in that area this winter. (I had to shave every frickin day in Brazil, so I've been taking a break.)
The scratches have a much better excuse. Vicodin!
When I get embarrassed, it inevitably happens that I try to make things better by explaining. It never works out in my favor, but I just can’t help myself.
Me: Oh, man, I’m so sorry about the hair! Will it be too prickly for you to massage my legs? No? Okay. And don’t worry about all the scratches, those are just from all the Vicodin I took earlier! I mean, I’m allergic to Vicodin, so it makes me itch. Like when you get an epidural! You know? Maybe you’ve never had one before? Anyway, I probably shouldn’t take it, but it’s the only thing that takes the pain away. Physical pain, not mental. Ha ha ha. Ha? And so today I decided it was worth the itching to be pain free for a bit. I just had no idea it was leaving marks! I think it looks much worse than it is. Okay, um, I'll just shut up now. Wanna get started?
So I pretty much can’t ever go back to that salon again. And I really hope that none of the other customers who were listening in are parents at my daughter’s school.
The reason for taking the Vicodin was true. After several months of feeling relatively normal, I've plummeted back into a sea of pain.
Fibromyalgia is funny that way. You have your ups, you have your downs, and you never know when you're going to move from one to the other.
Hopefully this down phase will pass quickly. In the meantime I'll cling to the joy of being able to laugh at myself when I find myself in embarrassing situations, and the fact that SoCal has enough nail salons that I can continue to embarrass myself for years to come and never hit the same place twice.