Thursday, February 3, 2011

On The Way Down

You know what’s really embarrassing?

Going to get a pedicure and not remembering you haven’t shaved your legs until after you pull your jeans up to your knees and stick your feet in the spa tub. Because at that point there's no turning back.

Even worse? Looking down and seeing massive scratch marks covering every inch of your dry, hairy legs.

Even worse? The poor girl that’s been assigned to you may say it’s all okay, but you catch her making a disgusted face in the direction of her co-workers, who are all thanking God that THEY aren't the one sitting at your feet.

The untended leg hair has no other excuse than that I’ve been lazy in that area this winter. (I had to shave every frickin day in Brazil, so I've been taking a break.)

The scratches have a much better excuse. Vicodin! 

When I get embarrassed, it inevitably happens that I try to make things better by explaining. It never works out in my favor, but I just can’t help myself.

Me: Oh, man, I’m so sorry about the hair! Will it be too prickly for you to massage my legs? No? Okay. And don’t worry about all the scratches, those are just from all the Vicodin I took earlier! I mean, I’m allergic to Vicodin, so it makes me itch. Like when you get an epidural! You know? Maybe you’ve never had one before? Anyway, I probably shouldn’t take it, but it’s the only thing that takes the pain away. Physical pain, not mental. Ha ha ha. Ha?  And so today I decided it was worth the itching to be pain free for a bit. I just had no idea it was leaving marks!  I think it looks much worse than it is. Okay, um, I'll just shut up now.  Wanna get started?

So I pretty much can’t ever go back to that salon again. And I really hope that none of the other customers who were listening in are parents at my daughter’s school.

The reason for taking the Vicodin was true. After several months of feeling relatively normal, I've plummeted back into a sea of pain.

Fibromyalgia is funny that way. You have your ups, you have your downs, and you never know when you're going to move from one to the other.

Hopefully this down phase will pass quickly.  In the meantime I'll cling to the joy of being able to laugh at myself when I find myself in embarrassing situations, and the fact that SoCal has enough nail salons that I can continue to embarrass myself for years to come and never hit the same place twice.


  1. I just had to google what Fibromyalgia is. Sorry. Poor you.
    Mind you (from Wikipedia) some of it sounds like me! "Many patients experience cognitive dysfunction (known as "brain fog" or "fibrofog"), which may be characterized by impaired concentration, problems with short and long-term memory..." Or is that just motherhood?!?
    The whole pedicure procedure it fraught with problems. In Australia they are always carried out by Vietnamese/Chinese/Thai ladies who I am sure discuss your every flaw (do you remember the Seinfeld episode with Elaine?). Last time I went (4 weeks ago), my pedicurist accidently sliced my heel with the razor scraper. I could not walk properly for a week. Have now vowed to save money and do my own feet.

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  3. hahaha - We do have to laugh at ourselves. I know it probably didn't seem funny at the time, but it makes for a good post. :) I tend to over-explain things too. They have so many people that come in and out of there, I bet the girl hardly noticed. And so sorry that you have been in pain lately. I hope it passes quickly and stays away for a good long while. Thinking of you!

    *Sorry - that deleted comment was me. Fingers aren't typing very well this morning. :)

  4. When you get embarassed like that, all you can do is laugh:-)

  5. Oh my goodness, lol, that's pretty funny! I would have said that February is no shave month, and you are participating to win a bet. :o)

  6. HA! That totally sounds like something I would do. My brain would be saying "shut up! shut up!" but my mouth would still be spewing nonsense.

    Hope you get some relief from the pain soon.

  7. *snort* I totally hear you on the issues with pedicures and such. I have to put off making those trips because of that ... too often. But yeah, I'd never ever be able to go back to that salon if it were me ;) I'd love to go get a massage tomorrow, as I'm super sore. Buuuuuuuut, guess why I haven't!

  8. Hey, it wasn't like she was doing it for free!
    I'm glad you pampered yourself. Hoping you feel better soon without having to take the vicodin.

  9. This is so funny. I haven't shaved my legs in months. It's like a forest down there. But I do my own pedicures, so it all works out!
    I hope the vicodin is helping. I really feel for you.

  10. Hahahaha....oh my goodness, that could SO be me. Except for the fibromyalgia part. That sucks. :-(

  11. Don't you love being able to laugh at yourself. Man, some people take themselves too seriously. You are right, I've lived in SD a few years now and I've never been to the same salon twice. NO worries, my friend. :)

  12. Oh, I have so been there with the hairy leg issue! I forgot that you had fibromyalgia- have you ever looked into a candida control diet? I have really struggled with autoimmune disorders, from Grave's disease to ITP to fybromyalgia symptoms. In October I went on a candida control diet and it has completely changed my life.


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