I´ve been watching a lot of Brasilian soap operas with my FIL, and the hair and makeup on those shows are quite glamorous. I was excited at the prospect of getting all done up like them at my salon appointment! I was going to be one hot mama! I probably should´ve been watching the news instead, where I would´ve gotten a more realistic view of what to expect.
After the stylist was done with my face, she clapped her hands in excitement at what she´d accomplished. So when I turned around, I wasn´t expecting what I saw.
Her: Don´t you just love it?
Me: Is that BLUE eye shadow?
Her: No, sweetie, it´s silver! Your MIL told me to match your eye shadow to your silver shoes!
What?!?! I remember my MIL telling her something about what I was wearing, but COME ON!
Me, to her: Um, it´s beautiful!
Lord have mercy. I couldn´t cry, or even laugh, for fear that giant streaks of shimmering silver would travel down my cheeks.
The eye shadow was in several shades of silver and grey, and wrapped around under my lower lash line. I also had clumpy mascara, ala Tammy Faye Baker. And bright pink cheeks. I looked like a street hooker.
There not being much I could do at that point, I figured there would be just enough time to go home, wash it all off and start fresh. I could most definitely do a better job than this all by myself!
Next on the agenda was my hair.
She feathered my bangs.
And the rest of my hair? Little mini ponytails all down the back of my head. So much for my dreams of being a hot mama. Now I looked like a street hooker from the 80s.
Just as I was getting sprayed with Extra Forte Holding Spray, my MIL and her cousin walked into the salon and started raving about how great I looked, drawing the attention of all the other women there. I HATE being on display.
Oh, and why wasn´t she there with me the whole time? When it was time to go to the salon, the plan suddenly changed to my MIL dropping me off while she returned to the house to wait out my turn.
Hmm. Could it possibly have anything to do with realizing that she´d be the one having to keep Gabi entertained in such a small space until I was done? She´d dismissed my concerns about a three year old in a salon for four hours when Gabi was going to be MY responsibility, but now that it was HERS, Gabi was to be kept at home.
When she and her cousin arrived, they had Gabi in tow, even though Gilberto was at home by then and willing to watch her. I had to sit through both my MIL and her cousin getting hair and makeup (which was just as Dynasty as mine) while trying to keep Gabi, who hadn´t had a nap and was especially unruly, from destroying the salon.
And when it was finally Gabi´s turn, they left again. Poor Gabi was so tired she fell asleep in the styling chair! I had to stand there and hold her head up, with no one to help me, so we could get her hair finished.
So I was the only one who had to be at the salon for the whole four hours. Three of them dealing with Gabi, though the hour spent with just her head wasn´t as bad as the other two.
By the time we got picked up and back to the house, everyone was freaking out because of the time. My MIL and her cousin were already ready to go, having had the luxury of all that extra time that they didn´t spend at the salon, and were trying to rush me. And I was freaking out because I wasn´t going to have time to redo my makeup.
Yes, I had to go to the wedding with silver eye shadow and harlot cheeks. Though I DID fix my bangs, much to my MIL´s horror. Feathered is totally In here.
By the time we left the church for the reception, my makeup had melted off, except for my eyes. I spent the rest of the evening looking like a raccoon. Which in my book, is much better than the prostitute look I´d had going before.
All´s well that ends well?