As I was passing a really hoity toity maternity store on my lunch break today, I remembered that I needed to get a gift for a friend, and it was now or never if I was going to get it to her on time. So I popped in.
I'm always a bit apprehensive about going into stores like this. I'm not made of money, and they kind of expect you to be if you step over their threshold.
The salespeople always pounce on me as soon as I walk in the door with a million questions about what I'm looking for, and then direct me to super expensive stuff (a $130 blanket? for a baby? to puke on?). Then when they ask with a great big smile if they can wrap it up for me, I have to be all, "Oh, this is lovely. Yes, it sure is. But, um, I'm looking for something more in the $25 range?"
Why oh why can't I just peruse on my own? Without all the interaction? It totally blows my cover and reveals me to be a person of modest means. One who has no business being in a super expensive hoity toity store. I always end up feeling so out of place.
But for the first time in my life I wasn't the most out of place person in a hoity toity store.
It was the grandma trying on maternity pants.
I kid you not!
As I made my way towards the back of the store, where most places tend to hide the cheapo shelf, a woman came out of one of the dressing rooms. I was surprised to see how old she was, but even more surprised when I realized she was there trying on maternity pants.
She stood in front of the mirror, a very tall, thin and elegant woman, adjusting the fit by running her thumbs under the wide band of stretchy fabric that lay across her flat belly. And then she turned to me and asked me if they looked okay!
They actually did, so I told her yes. But I think she could tell I was a bit taken aback because she went on a little spiel about how comfortable the pants were. The fit so well, in fact, she wouldn't even need a tailor!
The two saleswomen who were standing nearby to help didn't bat an eyelash. So it's either the hottest new trend in elderly fashion to shop at maternity stores, or those saleswomen were some of the best actresses I've ever seen.
I purchased my gift and left while the older woman who was not pregnant but trying on maternity pants was still twirling in front of the three way mirror.
Such an odd thing to see! But I'm not complaining- she took all the attention off of ME! I was able to shop in peace for once.
As a woman who's never had any need for them, I have been bitter about missing my window to wear maternity pants. I've seen those jeans on my friends, and could there be any more inspired melange of elements? I mean, giving the "look" of zippered, pocketed, denim, without the red indentation of a waistband and zipper on the belly? Rather than peculiar, this woman is a genius. In fact, you've just given me an idea. ;)
ReplyDeleteThat is hilarious! I always say once you go elastic waste you aint ever going back!
ReplyDeleteA good friend of mine has difficult time finding jeans that fit both her belly and her legs (oh, pear body shape) and took to wearing the maternity pants with the hidden elastic in the back, or the stretchy pocket panels, years ago. She loved it when i was pregnant because I could go into old navy and buy maternity pants for BOTH of us. Heh.
ReplyDeleteoh my goodness - too funny!!
ReplyDeletewho knew old ladies wore hip prego jeans??
Too funny! Who knew?!
ReplyDeleteMaybe I could pass for still being pregnant to hide me leftover pouch...hmmm...this Grandma lady is a hero!
I agree with the previous commenters - a practical woman is a woman after my own heart!
ReplyDeleteMaybe she never STOPPED wearing them. I've heard about women who have a really hard time giving them up post pregnancy. This is what happens when your BFF doesn't tell you to KNOCK IT OFF.
ReplyDeleteGreat story!
Hilarious!
ReplyDeleteI must admit...those maternity pants were the most comfortable.
I had to get rid of mine quickly for fear I might never stop wearing them.
That Granny was obviously in need of comfort and a front panel that expanded!
I say why not? - have you noticed that as far as women's tops go they either look like maternity wear or are just tighter than crap? What is with that?
ReplyDeleteI tried turning mine around backwards to accommodate my huge tushy, which I'd like to blame on pregnancy and genetics but it's really 75% blamable on ice cream and beer.
ReplyDeleteWhew. Sorry for the TMI packaged in a run-on.
Also? as a near-career retail sales clerk I can safely say that those women are out of line and that you should NOT feel weird for wanting to shop in peace, whatever your reasons. Never apologize for that!
Thanks for finding me!
-- Laurie @ Foolery
I remember the episode of "Everyone Loves Raymond" where Marie had bought Frank a pair of maternity pants and he loved the way they allowed him to eat more!
ReplyDeleteDon't feel badly in those stores where they pester you. Either say you are just looking, or like me, ask where the clearance section is. It lets them know from the get go what price range you are thinking of. Ha!
That's too funny--I give mine away the second I give birth so I am not tempted to keep wearing them---sooo comfy ;)
ReplyDeleteHmmm...how long is too long to wear maternity pants after you have a baby? I might be in trouble.
ReplyDeleteWait until you hit menopause..all kinds of things happen to a woman's body, especially gut gain. No wonder she likes maternity jeans - they are comfortable! Why be miserable?
ReplyDeleteYeah, I say, Go Grandma!
ReplyDeleteHmm. I may have to try the maternity hidden-elastic trick. I have a small waist and plenty of booty so my pants always gap at the waist. I think I'll be heading over to OldNavy.com now.
ReplyDeleteYou know what? My mom buys maternity SHIRTS, she says they're much more comfy.
ReplyDeleteNow I guess I can't say she's being ridiculous, 'cause apparently she's not alone.
ahahahahahaah, Laural, I am still laughing from the post "Her timing is impeccable". I was hillarious, she's is not only a sweetie but also a funny little girl. That's right, this is the time when the questions start...
ReplyDeleteGood Luck with that. hehe :)
Oh, about that grandma wearing maternity pants... If she had a huge belly I would have understood but flat belly... I think I am going to try some maternity pants someday to see if what's the secret...
:)
Well now, that's not something you see every day.
ReplyDeleteBut...after squeezing my sausage thighs into a pair of jeans from three years ago, I would be lying if I said that it isn't tempting to comfortably slide myself into a pair of maternity pants! *lol*
I think that once I am past the child-bearing age, I too will go back to maternity jeans. Right now, my biggest concern is the barrage of questions about when my baby is due or other pregnancy-related questions.
ReplyDeleteJen
http://www.ListPlanIt.com
Well that's something you never expect to see.
ReplyDeleteAnything to get the salespeople off your back though. I hate that.
I end up being all sarcastic and my husband despairs because he used to work in retail and thinks those people need to be cut some slack.
She's probably more trendy than the average senior, I mean have you she the mature section of most department stores. She just knows she wants elastic and wants it to look good. I bet this is some 'senior' thing that we aren't aware of.
ReplyDeleteSo funny. I'm always heading to the back of the store too, first thing.
Oh my...LOVE it! That is the FUNNIEST thing ever...Maybe I should try it instead of my FAT pants..
ReplyDeleteI get rid of my maternity clothes as soon as I give birth. It encourages me to lose the weight faster.
ReplyDeleteOh, and I so hear you about the annoying in your face sales clerks. I always say "I'm just looking," and two minutes later I always have to ask them a question. I guess that makes me an annoying customer?!
the only thing i liked about being prego was my maternity jeans... nothing felt better... prego or not
ReplyDeleteI don't blame her......some of my maternity pants were the most comfy I've ever owned.
ReplyDeleteCome to think of it...what about the maternity shirts?? The way they skim over your stomach...light, breezy, not tight.
Ahhhh.
That lady was onto something!
What a great post. I can only imagine what she thought she was trying on.
ReplyDeleteThat is awesome! I do understand how these women flock to the elastic waist bands... they sure are more comfortable. It was a HUGE thing in Israel - everyone seemed to wear those type of pants. :)
ReplyDeleteOoooh, I have a maternity skirt that I just LOVED so much. I never gave it away or sold it, and we're not planning on more kids.
ReplyDeleteMaybe when I'm a grandma I'll be sporting it again! :)
That is hilarious! I would have died laughing!
ReplyDeleteThis just makes me think of that episode of Friends where Joey wears one of the girls maternity pants at Thanksgiving and calls them his "Thanksgiving pants" so that he can eat as much as he wants and still be comfortable. Maybe she was going to a buffet next? ; )
ReplyDeleteThey are comfy pants though. I've been wearing my maternity shorts from last summer. Although, I still haven't been able to get rid of that pregnant belly. Granted I haven't given it much try. Glad you got to go in there for what you wanted and get out unbothered though.
ReplyDeleteI don't blame her really because maternity pants are sooooo comfy! Very funny post -- I am so the same way when walking in to a laa deee daaa stores like that! I try and pull it off but inevitably the prices make me run for the hills!
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by my blog!
lol! that's too funny! I would definitely be a little taken back if I witnessed this! I actually have a really hard time finding jeans that fit, and I've thought about buying maternity jeans, but I was afraid they would look too big or something. Plus, I'm sure being 18 in a maternity store I would get a few looks of my own!
ReplyDeleteSo am I the only person in the world who HATES maternity jeans? Or maybe I would like them now, when I'm not pregnant? All these comments saying they're so comfy. . . .
ReplyDelete